Today I felt overwhelmed!
Overwhelmed by pretty much every aspect of my life….as a mother, wife, friend, colleague and business woman.
I felt frightened….I was loaded with fear, fear of failing.
Safety; feeling safe and secure is vital to me.
But as I sat at my laptop, trying to get the damn thing to do what I needed it too, the feelings of overwhelm enveloped me, and completely took over.
‘What am I doing wrong, why can’t I make this work’
‘What the fuck is wrong with me, everyone else seems to be able to get their shit together so much easily!’
‘What if I let others down, or worse still, they see me as a failure’
For what seemed like hours (it was minutes) I just sat, with tears streaming down my face, in a state of fight, flight or freeze, pondering on what option to take.
Shall I throw this laptop out of the window? Or shall I just get in my car and drive?
What I actually chose to do in that moment was to freeze…….I sat in my chair, crying, frozen by fear.
I allowed my feelings to come thick and fast, it was painful, but I knew I had to surrender to them. I reached out to my circle and shared how I was feeling, whilst they just listened. I didn’t need anyone to make me feel better, I just needed to be heard.
I needed a safe space to verbally vomit so I could create some head-space.
As I spoke and released the tears, frustrations, anger and the FEAR, I could feel the weight from my shoulders lifting….I felt able to start putting the pieces of my jigsaw back together again, and get to the core of WHY I was overwhelmed. WHAT was happening that was making me feel this way.
I was able to recognise how I had stopped looking after myself, not made myself an absolute priority! And life was overwhelming me.
My energy levels were at such a low point that my body forced me to stop. I have quoted Brene Brown ‘The body keeps score and always wins’ a number of times, and on this occasion, my body won.
Because as mum’s, we are cook, cleaner, laundry master, problem solver, time management keepers, teachers, listeners, receivers of angry words, forgivers, lovers…the list is endless and I haven’t even listed what we do out of the house!
So, after releasing all I needed too, I made the decision for myself to down tools and to stop doing for everyone else, and focus on me.
There is one sure fire way for me to begin replenishing my soul, and that is to be by the sea. So, I took a drive with a friend, and we both just sat on the beach and listened to the sea.
I allowed the sea air to get deep into my lungs, and start to refill my cup.
I went home and put on my PJs and watched (terrible) easy to watch movies, that didn’t require much brain space from me.
I bought Mcds for the kids for dinner, because I just didn’t feel like cooking.
I soaked in the bath and went to bed early
The next day, was pretty similar…..PJs, trash TV, NO PHONE, NO WORK, good food, Reiki and head massage, I rested my mind completely.
Slowly but surely, I could feel myself coming back. I was able to see different perspectives, and begin to understand what I had just experienced and why I responded in the way I did.
I talk ALL THE TIME, about daily mindset practices, but I had become arrogant enough to believe I was doing well, and that I didn’t need to make my own mindset a priority! It is so easy to be lulled into a state of mind. The day before I felt overwhelmed, I was absolutely fine (or so I thought), and it was a simple act (my laptop being a prick!) that sent me over the edge.
On my recent NLP training course, we discussed this sentence ‘there is no such thing as failure, just feedback’ and I wholeheartedly agree. I have taken so much feedback from my time of applying my oxygen mask first, I am now so thankful to my body for showing me this lesson, because I have grown from it, and learnt so much. I feel once again in harmony, and will not take that for granted again.